Survivor 29: Water is Thicker Than Blood

Outwit, Outplay, Out-Racist, Out-Twinny, Out-Annoy, Out-Boob, Outlast 
"I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes." - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock S02E08


Alright, let's get one thing straight before we get to the article. Yes, I watch Survivor. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, I am a total fanboy for the show. And finally, yes, I still consider myself a television connoisseur. Call it low-class, call it stupid, call it idiotic reality TV, I don't care. If this article makes me lose all credibility, then leave. If it will make you feel better about me, I still consider Breaking Bad, The Wire, Deadwood, and The Sopranos higher quality. Also, this is the only reality TV I watch. Don't give me any of that Big Brother shit. Don't recommend The Amazing Race. Don't tell me that Dance Moms is actually really entertaining. They're not. But you know what is? Survivor.

 Okay - are we all straight? If you didn't think to yourself, "This guy claims to like 'good' television yet still fanatically watches Survivor? What a dickhead." Then read on.

It's back baby! This season on Survivor, the "Blood vs Water" theme is back, making family members and loved ones compete against each other. Nine duos are featured, ranging from some annoying Bros from Florida to some lovable gay guys from New York. When the casting list was announced, I began to pre-season. I picked my favorites, my least favorites, and my pick to win it all. Before the first episode, my favorite contestant, as well as my pick to win the game was Jeremy, a firefighter from New England. He and his wife Val, a cop, were one of the more promising duos on the show. As of the first episode, Jeremy remains my pick to win, but loses my favoritism. That has gone to Keith Nale, another Firefighter, this time from Louisiana. From the get-go, Keith had some great quotes, calling his son Wes "about as intelligent as this rock." In addition, Keith recognized another contestant, former Yankee John Rocker, calling him "an ass" due to Rockers controversial racist statements. Keith's son Wes is pretty lame in my opinion, but hey, if we have to put up with him to get Keith, it's a good trade-off.

In addition to the Keith Nale, another favorite of mine are Josh and Reed, two gay men. It is no secret that gays usually an advantage in Survivor. Girls seem to love them and since they're still guys, they are eligible for all-men alliances. This gives them a role that no one else can get. Girl alliances want them just as much as guy alliances do. They are the ultimate swing vote. In the Survivor premiere, this was the exact predicament. Former Amazing Race star Nadiya Anderson tried to recruit Josh Canfield into her girls alliance. At the same time, the men of the tribe attempted to recruit him for their guys alliance. The outcome of the vote came because of some ridiculous blunders by Nadiya.
Though I am not a gay man, one of my best friends is. Though he may be attracted to men, just as straight women are, he is still male. This is something that Nadiya should have kept in mind. Men are men, no matter who they want to bang. So, at Tribal Council, when Nadiya kept calling Josh "Girlfriend" or "One of the girls", it probably angered Josh. Whether or not he already wanted to vote with the men, this probably solidified his vote. Thus, Nadiya, the ridiculously annoying "Twinny" was voted out. Hooray!
With this vote also comes another of my front-runners for the season: Josh. Not only does he have the inbuilt gay advantage, he also seems pretty smart. Making the choice to side with the men and vote out Nadiya, someone who also happened to suck in challenges was a good move... especially when the other potential vote out is Dale, the man who got a fire going for the camp when no one else could.

The best part of the season 29 premiere was the shock of all of this. Going into another Blood vs Water season, I must admit I was not very excited. The first one was fine, but I still wasn't really on board with the theme. Also, it featured Redemption Island, a gimmick I've always hated. Fuck you RedempShit Island. However, in the season 29 premiere, RedempShit Island was replaced with Exile Island, a gimmick I happen to love. Yay! Also, in the pre-season interviews, I didn't get too excited about any one player as I did in Season 28: Cagayan. I liked a couple of them, but nobody really stuck out. Worse, several of the duos I outright hated before the show began. I found nothing to like about the Twinnies or the Brothers Christy. I found little to like in the storybook looking couple of Jon and Jaclyn or the infamous John Rocker and his plastic-surgery-boobs looking girlfriend Julie. But, once the season began, though the four pairs I mentioned still didn't impress, the others really showed their worth. I didn't expect to enjoy the Nales, the Collins, the Wentworths, or the gay couple nearly as much as I did.
So, with the 29th installation of Survivor officially underway, it's time to take one hour out of every week to devote to fun. Yes, I still care about Boardwalk Empire and Hell on Wheels a lot. Yes, they are still my top priority. And yes, The Knick and The League are still being watched. And finally, yes, I still watch The Strain, even if it's pretty stupid. But, all that being watched, Survivor will always have a place in my heart. I will watch this shit to the bitter end. In addition to my weekly article, I'm also trying to write a weekly Survivor update.

See? I can still be credible while watching and reviewing Survivor!

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