True Blood: Experiencing the True Death

True Blood is finally ending, and it's about time.
"Try Harder" - Alcide Herveaux, True Blood, S04E12

HBO's True Blood finally ended last Sunday, and it really couldn't have been worse. Seriously. Having watched this show for seven years (where did all the time go), I knew it wouldn't be a stroke of genius. But at the same time, I expected something. Give me a big bloodbath or a vampire orgy. Give me a shock like killing off Sookie. Give me anything to make the hour worth watching. But no; what we got was a wedding of two people who have dated for a day, an unnecessary character death, and the major villains of the season being dispatched in under a minute.

The first major problem I had was that Bill, the longtime love interest of the show's main character, had Hep-V (essentially vampire AIDS) and refused the cure. Now, if there was a decent explanation as to why he chose death over a life with his beloved, it could have been well done. Instead, Bill explained that he wanted Sookie to have kids, and because Bill can't impregnate her (vampire rules), he has to die so she can be with someone else who can give her kids. Alright, as noble as this sounds, it's fucking bullshit. In the 200 years Bill has lived, has he ever heard of adoption? Or sperm banks? Or I don't know... just living a happy life without little rascals raping your wallet all the time? Okay, maybe that last one isn't what Bill had in mind, but still.
So, because apparently Bill just had to die, the episode spent most of its time having Bill make sure all of his loved ones would be alright. His vampire-daughter Jessica just started dating her ex-boyfriend Hoyt again in episode nine. They have been dating literally a day. In episode ten, the finale, Bill tells Jessica he wants to give her away at her wedding but won't be able to do so once he dies. So, as a solution, he tells them to get married now! Good thinking Bill! Viewers then had to sit through an eternity of a marriage that served to real purpose. Also, on a side note, Jason Stackhouse wore jeans to a wedding. Thought you should all know that.
Finally, one of the main plot-lines of this season about Eric, Pam, and the Yakuza came to a close... in about a minute. Eric decided that he did not want to work for the Yakuza and that he'd sell "New Blood" on his own. As a solution, he told Pam that they should totally kill the Yakuza. Even though this group of Japanese gangsters seemed to be very powerful in every episode leading up to this one, Eric and Pam literally killed all of them faster than you could say "what the fuck am I watching?!" All the fun that could have been drawn out from this plot was killed so that Bill's overlong death scene and Jessica's overlong wedding could be dragged out.
At the end of the episode, we see Bon Temps three years after the events of the finale. Everyone in the town in now happily married with children and Eric and Pam have become billionaires (their epilogue is the highlight of the episode). Sookie also has kids, except that it is with some random bearded dude. So uh... that's the payoff. My theory is that they had Alan Ball come back to write the finale but accidentally hired the football player and he basically just winged it.

All I can say is that I'm happy this show is finally done. I no longer have to embarrassingly say that I watch it. The only way this ending could have been worse is if Sookie became a lumberjack at the end.

Labels: , , , , , , ,