Survivor 29: Drew's Head is Thicker Than Water

Oy Gevalt. Val, what're ya doin!?

 "Show 'em your cunt. Your heard me. Lift up your skirt and let yourself get fucked." - Commodore Louis Kaestner, Boardwalk Empire, S02E10

Aaaaand we're back! Survivor San Juan Del Sur episode 2!

This week, we started to see the scope of the game shape out a bit more. The stocks of Jeremy, Josh, Dale, and Natalie went up while John Rocker, Booby Lady, and of course, Val's stocks went plummeting downwards. Also, we got to see just how intelligent the brothers Christy are.

So, to start out, we see Josh making amends with Baylor for voting for her last episode. What this scene shows us is that the big wigs at CBS want us to know Josh is a strategist. Instead of seeing everyone's reaction to Nadiya being voted out, we only saw Josh's strategy. This is definitely a good sign for him. In addition to Keith and Jeremy, Josh Canfield is definitely another pick to win it all. In the end, Baylor buys what Josh is selling, and everyone goes their merry way. Moving on, we soon come to the Exile/Reward challenge. This time around, it's going to be the infamous John Rocker taking on his girlfriend, Booby Lady. What an idiotic move for Rocker to volunteer. The challenge asked contestants to duck under wooden planks while balancing a ball. Rocker is six foot six. Booby Lady is probably something like five foot seven. So, when it came to ducking under planks, who the fuck do you think won?!
Anyway, the pro athlete lost to his girlfriend and proceeded to tell everyone that he was ashamed to lose to a female. All of the women on the show probably really liked him for saying that. So, with that hyper-intelligent comment, Booby Lady then chose Jeremy to go to Exile with her idiotic boyfriend. Again, I wouldn't say this was a great move. Jeremy already had a lot of sympathy points for sending his own wife to Exile. Now, Booby forces him to go to the exact same place? All she's doing is helping the man who doesn't need help. Once they show up at Exile, Rocker continues to help the cause his girlfriend started. The two of them find an immunity clue and, after sharing it with each other, decide to make a deal. Jeremy will help keep Booby lady in the game if Rocker will help keep Val in the game. This would be a very smart deal to make for Rocker... except for that later that night he votes out Val. More on that soon!
So, before moving on to the second challenge, we must backtrack a little bit. Jon, one half of the self-proclaimed "perfect couple", lost his tribe's flint. Now, being a good guy, he decided to rat himself out. I'm not 100% sure about this move. Yes, it's good to have your tribe thinking that you're a good guy, but at the same time, it puts a target on your back. In the end, Jon's tribe won, but still, once his tribe actually does lose, it may be a rough road for him. Fucking over your tribe is never good. And fuck them over he did. After the reward challenge, Jon's tribe tries to bargain with Jeff, asking him to trade them some flint for half a bag of beans. Jeff basically laughs this off like a maniacal super-villain in Batman.
"Fuck that." Says Jeff.
"Please?" Says the tribe.
"No, Fuck that." Says Jeff.
"Any other deal?" Says the tribe.
"Give me all of your fishing gear." Says Jeff.
"No, fuck that." Says the tribe.
"If you don't take this deal, I'll make sure that all of you suffer like you've never suffered before. I'll hunt down your loved ones, skin them alive, and feed them to you for a reward challenge. I'll come down on your harder than God did to Sodom and Gomorrah. I shall smash you like the Hammer of Thor! I will spread your entrails across the desert like Set did to Osiris! I, Jeffrey Lee Probst shall -"
"Okay, jeez. Here's our fishing gear." Says the tribe.
"Oh, uh... cool. Here's some flint." Says Jeff.
With that, the bargaining was over. The winning tribe gave away their fishing gear and Jeff gave them flint. Everybody wins... except for the opposing tribe!

Coming to the immunity challenge, everyone was prepared. Val is just about ready to be an idiot, and Drew is just about ready to be a retard. The challenge is an oldy but goody. Mono a mono, the two tribes will square off against one another on a floating platform, trying to knock each other off. Things get underway and we have some interesting events go down. Baylor and her mom Missy must rumble, and after Missy smashes her daughters lip, she basically lets her win. Uhg, stupid family values. Then, the best moment of the episode happened. Josh and his boyfriend Reed were up against one another and Drew Christy, one of the two Florida bros rooted for Josh adamantly. But, here's the thing. Josh is on the opposing tribe. Drew completely forgot which gay man was on his team. I'm not sure if this was homophobic, racist, or just pure stupidity. Maybe Drew thought that all gays look the same? Maybe Drew thought all whites look the same? That would be odd considering the fact that not only is he himself white, but nobody can tell the difference between Drew and his brother Alec. I guess we can see who's 5 IQ points ahead of the other, but appearance wise, it's not easy. So, in the end, we just have to settle for pure stupidity. After the challenge ends, the same team that has lost the last three challenges loses once more, making their record a whopping 0-4. Hey, that rhymed!
Back at camp, everyone is pretty bummed about their latest loss. Rocker though, has something to be pretty happy about. He finds an idol! Wooo! No, not you Woo Hwang.
But, little does Rocker know that there is someone else with an idol. And not just one, but two! How bout that? Val, one of the supposedly good players from this season, decides that it's a good idea to tell everyone that she has two idols. In actuality, she has... none. Genius idea! Make your tribe have no choice but to flush one of your two nonexistent idols! Rocker, having made a deal with Jeremy, tells Val of the tribe's plan to split the votes between Baylor and her. Again, instead of spilling the beans that there is no idol to flush, so they should just vote out Baylor, Val just says, "okay!"
Once at tribal council, Baylor and Val get into an argument. Jeff asks them if they think votes will be cast for them tonight, and obviously they say yes. At least Val has the smarts to know that much.
So, the voting gets underway and there are four votes for each person. Everyone gives Val a look, as if to say, "Just how stupid are you?" The answer is "very." On the re-vote, Val pays for her idiocy and is sent home, leaving us with a lot of plot to pick up next episode.

Now that Rocker has sent home Jeremy's wife, just a day after telling him he won't, will Booby Lady be voted off next for revenge? Now that Val is gone, is there any way Baylor can save herself next time? Now that Keith hasn't gotten a lot of screentime in episode two, will he get more in episode three? One can only hope.
So, amid my reviews and essays about the "best" TV on television, tune in next Sunday for another Survivor recap and review!

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