Max - Sultan of Television: The Walking Dead... AKA The Cast of HBO's The Wire Fights Zombies

After finishing this premiere episode of The Walking Dead, I was left with mixed feelings. On the one hand, the episode was tense, fun, and violent. On the other, there were several times that I couldn't take the events going on seriously. Gareth seems to be a good enough villain, but thus far, unlike the Governor, he has nothing humanizing about him. He's just evil for the sake of evil. Uh oh, time has run out for our "then" section. Back to...

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we're back! This blog post was a difficult topic to write about after the fucking amazing episode of Boardwalk Empire, but nevertheless, after many long months of waiting, The Walking Dead has returned! Although I am always one to criticize this show, I am also always one to enjoy the shit out of it. So, with the premiere of the fifth season, it's time to revisit our old friends Rick, Glenn, Daryl, and the cast of The Wire!
After a quick flash to the villains at the end of the episode, we cut back to the prison gang. Right away, Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and Bob (D'angelo) are taken away to an execution area. Along with them are two or three nameless character who, of course, are killed. Immediately, they are lined up along a bathtub where two dudes in plastic hit them with baseball bats before having their throats slit. Of course, right before Glenn can be killed, the diabolical head of Terminus, Gareth appears. He asks the plastic men about their "shot count" to interrupt the killing. Suddenly, an explosion rocks the area that everyone is in and we cut away.

So, right off the bat, something like five minutes into the episode, we already have some classic Walking Dead tropes. There's graphic violence (to be expected) and also some throwaway characters who do nothing to try and stop their fate. I have a real problem with this type of deal, and it's not just a criticism of Dead. Why, in every single show on TV, must there always be characters introduced just for the sake of being killed? I understand that it gets across that a villain is villainous when they kill someone, but when the character is introduced for the sole reason of dying, does it really add to a character's villainy? It's like eating a burger that you just cooked for yourself instead of sharing it. Yes, it's kinda a douche move, but did anyone really expect you to not eat the thing you just made for yourself? Perhaps I'm overly critical, but I like to think I'm intelligent.

Anyways, when we get back, we see some more of The Wire's cast along with Carol and a baby. Tyreese (Cutty Wise), upon return to the show, apparently refuses to kill walkers after his experience with the little girls last season. This was another problem I had. I get that Tyresse is scarred by all of the crazy shit that went down, but wouldn't it only make him hate walkers more? I feel if anything, Tyreese would have a new-found anger towards both little girls and zombies. Back on topic, Carol and he stumble across a man in the woods who is talking on a walkie-talkie about "a chick with a katana." Obviously, our protagonists recognize this as Michonne, and capture the man in the woods, probably from Terminus, in a small cabin. After hearing about killing their friends from Mr. Walkie Talkie, Carol decides she needs to break them out of Terminus. This was a bit of a quick turn around. Carol and Tyreese have been marching towards Terminus for quite a long time, and after hearing one asshole in the woods, they decide to burn the place down? Then again, I suppose at this point, any sign of danger would instill a big reaction in Carol.

So, Carol paints herself up in zombie blood, grabs a rifle, and goes out to fuck up Terminus, leaving Tyreese to look after the baby and Mr. Walkie. ALERT! ALERT! MAX IS ANNOYED AGAIN! The whole tactic of painting yourself in zombie blood is something used so sparingly, it's ridiculous. If all you have to do to avoid being eaten by zombies is paint yourself in blood, WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T EVERYONE DO THAT LIKE... ALL THE TIME? Seriously! The daily routine in The Walking Dead should be get up, paint yourself in zombie blood, and then go have a nice day. It's so easy! I'm glad at least somebody employs this obviously useful tactic, so points to Carol.

So, after some time working this all out, the episode descends into crazy, violent, fun, madness. Rick and co. break out their friends and begin gunning down everyone in sight, Carol blows up a gas tankard (hence the explosion from the beginning), and zombies chew people's faces off. Through all of this commotion, basically everyone from Terminus except for Gareth and a couple others are killed, while none of the prison group are. Now, again, this is just me being me, but if the Terminus people were so easily killed, why are the prison folk, arguably less adept in the apocalypse, so damn good at avoiding death? I'm not saying the show needed to kill off Rick, but having a minor death may have upped the stakes and realism of the episode. It seemed like the Terminus people were new recruits caught in the middle of a war while Rick's group were special ops stuck in training camp.
Meanwhile, the most ridiculous event of the episode happens. Tyreese, ever a lovable guy, but ever a stupid guy, only binds Mr. Walkie's hands. So, when Tyreese is looking out the window, Mr. Walkie just kinda gets up and grabs the baby. Honestly, Tyreese did such a shitty job of containing him, he kinda deserved to have this happens. Walkie tells him that unless he leaves the cabin, where there are three walkers gnawing at the wood, he'll kill the baby. Tyreese concurs and weaponless, leaves the building. Fighting noises are heard from outside, before Tyreese miraculously re-enters the cabin, body-slams Mr. Walkie like a WWE wrestler, and assures baby Judith's safety.

So... I think you already see my problem. Just about twenty minutes ago, Tyreese refused to kill any walkers. Also, he is usually the least capable at killing walkers member of the prison crew. So, when he kills three walkers completely unarmed, I have to suspend my disbelief a little too far. Honestly, it's less realistic that two oiled up men would body-slam each other over a minuscule issue like in the WWE.

In the end, despite my bitching, I really enjoyed this season premiere. Yes, the show can be a little silly at times, but given the amount of great scenes and dialogues, it's still a worthy trade off. I'm happy to see the group be reunited and excited to see where we go from here. That being said, I'll still write this episode off as a bit of a scapegoat. Cannibals aren't really a great villain for Rick and co. to overcome, especially in a place like Terminus. Honestly, being cooped up in Terminus, there was basically no way for our heroes to escape. So, to write themselves out of a corner, a huge zombie invasion happened. But, I also have to give the writers props for realizing their mistake. By the end of season four, all seemed basically lost. With the start of season five, hope is renewed, as is my viewership!