Survivor 31: Are You Not Entertained?!


Here we BLEEP-ing Go

 "You can't fire a man for what he did 15 years ago." - Warden Leo Glynn, Oz, S03E01




It's back.

Shirin and Abi didn't care for his "idol"
After months and months of waiting and speculating, Survivor 31: Cambodia has returned, bringing with it 20 second chance contestants. One of these will come home victorious, eighteen of them will go home swinging, and one, Mr. Baskauskas, has already gone home, becoming the first boot of the season. In a way, the Survivor Gods have given us another poetic piece of storytelling, showing us the victory of one Baskauskas brother eighteen seasons ago, while another becomes the first voted out during the third ever all-returnee season. It's almost parallel to San Juan Del Sur, when one Anderson was first boot, while the other went on to win the whole thing. Such is Survivor, and such is the cut-throat nature of Second Chances. Vytas would regularly have been viewed as a power player; someone who could go on to win the entire game, or at least make a deep run. Instead, with the way things shook out in the first three days of the game, the reformed bad-boy, the Alex Bell of the modern era, was ousted first. But let's back up to when this whole thing began, right from the marooning.

The first thing that hit me as the new season began was just how epic it all seemed. I've been watching Survivor for years, and never before has a new season struck me as hard as this one. When Heroes vs. Villains premiered, I wasn't quite the superfan I am today, and thus the most exciting finale I watched live was probably Cagayan, a premiere episode loaded with fun material, but still a season of new players whom I had yet to get to know. Now, years down the road, having seen all of the show, even rewatching some of the best ones, Second Chance was in full effect. Seeing Kelly Wiglesworth, Jeff Varner, Andrew Savage, and Kimmi Kappenberg on my television was surreal. Seeing some more recent favorites, like Kass McQuillen, Jeremy Collins, and Keith Nale was equally as exciting. And finally, seeing the old school players interact with the new flames was nothing short of amazing. On Bayon, Stephen Fishbach suddenly fell into the Skinny Ryan role in Andrew Savage's tribe, with Joe becoming something of a Ryan O. Kass McQuillen and Kimmi Kappenberg worked together in a circle of women. On Ta Keo, Terry Deitz informed Spencer about how much his kids loved him, while Peih Gee Law and Abi-Maria Gomes got into a brief feud. Seeing such interactions in the modern age of Survivor was something special, and something that we won't see for a long time again, if ever.

The original Kelly has returned
Starting at the outset, it was fascinating to watch the editing this season has taken on as well. Though it's most definitely the fast moving game that we've all become accustomed, to, the editing was almost that of an old-school season, with contestants focusing on shelter building and small tribal feuds. There were of course strategy talks, but after an old-style marooning, the new season took on a historical vibe. However, not everything from the past was the same. The contestant with the most confessionals in the entire episode was Kelley Wentworth, one of the earliest boots of San Juan Del Sur. She received seven confessionals throughout the episode, already topping her six she got in the entirety of her first season. Kelley was on fire, finding an idol at a challenge in a gut-wrenching moment, being on the right side of the numbers at the first tribal, and suddenly feeling like the mastermind that Drew Christy chalked her up to be. Likewise, we had a lot of interesting material from Jeff Varner, the man who famously stepped off of a challenge for peanut butter back in Survivor: Australia. He was, in my opinion, the most fun contestant to watch on the show thus far, giving hilarious confessionals, swinging the numbers wherever he pleased, and generally just playing hard from the offset of the show.

But on that note, the aspect that struck me most about the new season of Survivor was the sheer fact that everyone came here to play. There's not one dud in the cast. Even guys like Woo Hwang who seem to have no idea how to play the game are still doing their very best. Being knocked out of this season takes on a crazier feel than in a regular edition of the show. It's not just being voted off, it's having a second chance, given to contestants by America, get cut short. Vytas wasn't just axed from his tribe, he was tossed from something he had to work toward and put time aside for.

Sadly most likely to be
Cesternino'd.
The meat of the episode came in different forms. We had the historic "Quest for Fire" challenge open the season in terms of immunity, while different forms of yoga dominated the latter half of the season. On Bayon, we watched as Joe Anglim led his tribe in "Joega," attracting Tasha while at the same time giving us another priceless Keith Nale confessional, commenting on how Yoga just isn't for him. At the same time, poor Stephen Fishbach, the player I'd imagine I'd play exactly like (us gawky Jews have to stick together,) was feeling like the outcast of the tribe, being cast out by Jeremy Collins, Andrew Savage, and Joe Anglim who made up the alpha male alliance. He looked for an idol in vain, got a doofus confessional in which he tried to split a branch, and seemed likely to go home as first boot. Luckily, his tribe seems sure to win more challenges, but should Stephen's tribe lose before a swap, I fear for his life in the game.

All in all, the episode was fantastic, from the cast to the challenges to the action. Even Vytas Baskauskas, a player I still consider to be pretty solid, was a satisfying first boot, signifying that despite having the tools of a good player, in an All-Star esq season, more than one player will be Rob Cesternino'd, and guys like Vytas are still very much at risk.

Slay everyone and trust no one continue to be the words of wisdom in Survivor.

Without further adieu, let's get to power ratings! Below I will rank the players from 1-19, with one being the most likely to win the game and 19 being least likely. This is based on edit, past Survivor play, and generally whom I think has a good shot at this thing. Also, note that this is who can win the game, not make a deep run. It's very likely that Joe Anglim survives for a lot longer, but I can't imagine that he'll win, meaning that he's going to show up on the early side of the rankings.

19. Peih-Gee Law
PG, as much as I like her, will not win this season of Survivor. To date, she has already been the center of some controversy, seems to be only so-so liked by her tribemates, and has an edit that hasn't really had much strategy to it, giving most of her airtime to discussion of feuds. If Ta Keo loses the next challenge, it would be easy to see PG go home next.

18. Joe Anglim
Joe has the exact same edit as the first time he played. The guy is a physical specimen. According to Jeff Probst, his pole is strong and long enough, and everyone seems to adore him. The problem is, Joe doesn't really have any strategy to him. Though there's almost no way that Joe is going home in the immediate future, there's also no way that a savvier player like Jeremy doesn't cut him as soon as the numbers get whittled down.

17. Monica Padilla
If there's one thing that isn't a good sign on this show, it's being invisible, or "purple." Monica both wears purple colors AND has gotten almost zero edit in the first start. She hasn't talked strategy once, and as far as we know, isn't on the right side of the numbers thus far. Sadly, those who believed her to be a Parvati Shallow 2.0 are probably mistaken.

16. Ciera Eastin
Ciera was seemingly invisible during the first episode, and despite talking about her big move, is one of the weaker girls on Bayon, meaning that if one of them is to be targeted, Ciera seems like the obvious one to oust.

15. Woo Hwang
Poor, poor Woo. I love characters who seem to have no idea what they're doing, but Woo takes it to another level, really just acting clueless even in the moments when he obviously knows what's going on. Woo can't win. He'll just end up taking another Tony to the end or get voted out for physical threat reasons later on.

14. Andrew Savage
Much like Joe, Savage is getting the same edit as his first time, some twelve years down the road. Savage can't help it. Much like Forest Whitaker talks about in The Crying Game, we are what is in our nature. Savage's nature makes him an alpha male among alphas, pushing over trees, organizing alliances, and targeting the weak links on the tribe. Whether he's playing with Lillian Morris or Stephen Fishbach, this is the way he'll play, and inevitably the way he'll lose.

"He's Perfect" - Savage's Daughter
13. Kelly Wiglesworth
It's historic and surreal to see the original Survivor Kelly hit the beach of Cambodia, but at the same time, it's something that won't last forever. Kelly seems to be playing the game on slow-mo, taking everything in like it's still Borneo. She'll survive the beginning, as no one would dare boot her first, but when push comes to shove, Wiglesworth won't go the distance.

12. Terry Deitz
Terry is similar to Savage, only in a friendlier way. I like him a lot, I enjoy his physical dominance, but Terry still will run into the same problems from last time, only without as much challenge prowess due to years of aging. I hope he proves me wrong, but who the hell would let Terry near that money?

11. Shirin Oskooi
I must admit, as someone who didn't enjoy Shirin the first time around, she impressed me in this second go-around. I suspected she would be first boot to be perfectly honest. She targeted Vytas and dispatched of him immediately though, and for that, her chances go way up. I still see no social game that gets her the win, but there's hope now.

10. Keith Nale
I love Keith. I am a Nale Male, as Josh Wigler would say. I'm rooting for him to win this season and give one of the most "WTF" endings to a season so jam-packed with good players. However, while there's always a chance, this doesn't seem like his crowd to win with. He won't have respect with the jury, even if he makes it there. I just don't think Spencer Bledsoe or anyone like him could allow themselves to be beaten by Keith Nale.

9. Stephen Fishbach
I fear for Stephen. He's one of my very favorites going into this season, but it just seems like he landed on the wrong tribe. If he was on Ta Keo, we could see him dominate strategically with allies like Spencer, Shirin, Kelley, and Vytas. On Bayon, he's the odd man out; the nerd among jocks. He could have a growth edit and win this, but with every bozo-music scene we watch featuring the Fishbach out of water, I fear for his "winner edit."

8. Kass McQuillen
I really didn't expect Kass to be at 8... AT ALL. I either expected her to be at 19, or to be booted first. However, Kass shocked me by how well she played in this first episode. She let all of the chaos feed into her confessionals, while she socialized well with her new tribe mates. I still don't know if she has what it takes to get votes at the end, but for now, I just pray she makes the merge and causes chaos in Cambodia.

7. Spencer Bledsoe
Spencer played very solidly in his first episode. He was on the right side of the numbers, he formed a "new school alliance" while still being on good terms with guys like Terry, and seemed to be cooling down his cocky attitude. The Young Lad also had some Tony Vlachos playbook in him as he made deals with everyone around and stayed up strategizing into the night. However, being by far the youngest member of the cast, I still fear for Spencer's chances of getting votes at the end. Fifty-somethings may have a tough time voting for a pompous 22 year old.

6. Abi-Maria Gomes
What the hell is she doing at #6? That's what I'm asking myself after I ranked Abi with the least likely chance to win in my preseason address of Second Chance. However, with the phenomenal edit that she's been given in the first episode and the potential for a redemption storyline for Ms. Gomes, the threat of an Abi win is suddenly present.

5. Tasha Fox
Tasha seems to be playing a new game this time. She's louder and generally more present within the game. Perhaps this is a new storytelling device, framing her as a long-term villain, or perhaps this is the start of a Tasha winner edit. She wasn't overexposed at all, but these things could start slow in a Natalie Anderson-esq way.

4. Kimmi Kappenberg
Kimmi is in an odd spot here. She's an out of shape older woman, signalling that she should be an early boot, but something about her edit speaks to me. Her metaphor at the start of the game with the Angkor-Wat ruins, her relaxed feel within the game, and her ability to adapt to her tribe are impressive thus far. I may be delusional, but a Kimmi win seems far from out of the question.

3. Jeff Varner
I've already written about how much I've enjoyed Jeff thus far, and his hugely positive, strategic, funny edit continues this trend. Jeff could easily play both sides right up until the end when he lays out his resume before the jury and claims victory. That or he could flame out. We'll have to see.

2. Jeremy Collins
Jeremy is surrounding and drowning. Jeremy has a strong alliance, both in stature and in regard, and seems to be set up shockingly well. He's the smartest of the guys in his alliance, he's got the numbers, and he seems to have cooled down since his first season. I would enjoy a Jeremy win, and moreover I would be fascinated to see how he survives the merge when the target falls to him at along last.

1. Kelley Wentworth
The 9000nth Kelly to play, but perhaps the
first to win? I suppose she's Kelley after all.
My winner pick is Kelley Wentworth, the girl we all questioned how she had been voted back on. But if you ask me, Drew Christy was right. Wentworth knows this game, she's on the right side of the numbers, she has a tight bond with Varner, and she's gorgeous enough to Woo over any of the more gullible young guys. Throw in an episode one idol, and I believe we have our winner. With no target on her back, defense against said target should it fall upon her, and an enormous edit even within one episode, I believe Kelley is making it far, if not winning it all.

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