American Horror Story: Hotel Boredom

My yelp review for this hotel is worse than that of a flea-ridden holiday inn

 "Are you going to... dance before your execution, Jesus? Oh... it's an old prison saying, that a man on his final walk to the chair - the stench of fear chokes him, and he panics, struggling in the arms of his captor for one moment of freedom. Some people say it looks like a dance - the last dance before death. A little manic, don't you think?" - Theodore Moody, Quantum Leap, S03E19




I have yet to write my review of American Horror Story: Hotel because for a long time, I couldn't think about how exactly to phrase what went so horribly wrong with it. However, as we come upon the finale tonight, I think it's time to finally express myself.

The AHS Diva of the future
AHS has never been a perfect show. Every season has been riddled with problems, but ever since the equally flawed first season, the show has always valued a sense of fun and campy ridiculousness over trying to be a top tier television show. And for Ryan Murphy's horror-fest, it worked. The first season went far off the rails toward the end, but delivered a memorable installment nevertheless. The second season, and by far the strongest, combined all that made season one fun, while putting a more interesting through line to grip viewers in. Top that with increased interest in the show from awesome character actors like James Cromwell, and AHS was becoming a yearly miniseries that would assuredly deliver fun. When the third season began, advertising that they had nabbed the great Kathy Bates, I was excited, but with a boring plot, high school hero, and under-utilizing Bates, it fell flat. There were overtones of feminism and whatnot, but not enough to make a statement. In the fourth edition of the show, Freakshow, AHS committed to a period piece, a larger cast of main characters, and a slightly more central plot. I loved the beginning, but by the mid-point of the show, the writing and plotting began to decline, leading to a stronger season, but a disappointing one nonetheless.

Now that we have a brief history of the show, we can analyze a little better what happened to the atrocious fifth season. Jessica Lange departed the show and AHS booked Lady Gaga as the next major star of the show, portraying the hotel's "Countess." This season, according to Murphy and Falchuk, the shows creators, darker themes would be pursued, as addiction, religion, and loneliness would all be major parts of what led to the demonic hotel. Sounds good, right?

In regular fashion, it takes about three episodes for the enormous cast to actually be introduced, but unlike past seasons, many of the characters felt like they had been stuck in the show for no reason other than the actor wanting in. Starting at the top, there's The Countess, actually named Elizabeth Johnson, who is a vampire residing in the penthouse of the Hotel. About one hundred years ago, she was turned that way and has had the hotel be a major part of her life ever since. For the most part, the fifth season of the show is her story, essentially a quest to find true love. However, at least once an episode, Gaga and sometimes multiple partners, must have gratuitous sex scenes, usually turning into gratuitously violent scenes at the same time. At first, we think of Gaga as nothing but an evil vampire who people easily fall in love with, but as her past is revealed, we are supposed to feel more sympathetic toward her. Unfortunately, the writing fails to do this. Gaga's stale acting, along with the writers poor plotting and seemingly random decisions leaves us with an anti-hero who is neither compelling enough to be a central antagonist nor root-for-able enough for a protagonist. The fact that this part garnered a Golden Globe is a sad display of bias on their part.

Gee - I wonder where the Ten Commandments Killer
came from?
From there, we move on the ostensible protagonist of the story, John Lowe, a detective hunting the Ten Commandments Killer, a serial killer who uses inspiration from the ten commandments for how he slaughters his targets. This is obviously a nod to David Fincher's Se7en, but instead of being a point of comparison, the Killer comes off as a complete copycat, only with less effect. For one of the major storylines of the season to come off as so unoriginal and lazy is yet another black mark in the book. Anyways, Lowe is a dark-haired, handsome, thirty-something-year-old, much like two of the other leads on the show, but he is a good man, married, and doing justice in the name of the law. Upon moving into the hotel to investigate said killer, Lowe is raped by a gigantic drillbit dildo monster later known as the Addiction Demon. This monster is a pretty on the nose representation of addiction, but nevertheless it is another entity inside the hotel now.

From there, we have a large cast of characters, including Gaga's boyfriend, a vampire named Donovan, his mother, a once again underutilized Kathy Bates part named Iris, Denis O'Hare in a small but scene stealing role, the hotel bartender and seeming floor boss Liz Taylor, Cheyenne Jackson as Will Drake, a gay man (but not gay for long) who buys the hotel from Elizabeth, and a vampire hunter, Ramona Royale, played by Angela Bassett. And, of course, the two AHS mainstays, Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson play the founder of the hotel, the crazed ghost of James Patrick March and an undead drug addict by the name of Hypodermic Sally, respectively. Though most of these characters are either poorly drawn, not given enough screentime, or both, I would like to give a nod to Evan Peters, who, when finally given the opportunity to play a villain, flourishes as the bloodcrazed ghost of a rich serial killer. On the other hand, Paulson portrays yet another flawed hero who, once again, is unbearable to watch.

I think one of the main problems with this season, is that unlike the past four, which have had central plotlines that every episode adheres to, the main plots of this season are largely ignored in many episodes. Random events, including ghost parties, orgies, vampire transformation, and murders happen every episode without anything actually relating back to the main stories of the season. Themes of addiction and sexuality are vaguely linked, but for the most part, it feels like a festival of largely unrelated sex, violence, and dramatic sounding lines that sound interesting but hold no water. For AHS, less is more. Showing us a topless Lady Gaga having sex before murdering her partner and sucking their blood really loses effect after the first five times it happens.

Even the advertisements were stronger
Compare this season to something like Fargo, a well thought through miniseries. Every character has a purpose, every random event has an explanation, and the ten episode arc feels like it has been carefully planned so that every puzzle piece fits in nicely. In Hotel, it sometimes feels as if the writers are writing each episode as a separate entity with the same characters. The rules they make early on in the season are broken soon after creation, tangential plots seem to fade in and out without any real purpose, and though the show looks nice, it has almost zero substance. For all of the lavish red curtains and checkerboard floors and stained glass, I couldn't name a time that the writing has come anywhere close to the set design. Finding flaws in this season is like shooting fish in a barrel: you just can't miss.

With the finale airing tonight, most of the character arcs are still largely unfinished, especially that of the now ghost-form Elizabeth. However, as high as the writers would like the stakes to be coming into the end, I still find myself more excited for new Always Sunny. Perhaps Ryan Murphy left this season to his cohorts and went to work on American Crime Story instead, excusing him from the mess left behind. Perhaps not. Whatever the case, if AHS cannot up its game heading into season six, I'll likely quit watching.

AHS is like a bad relationship. You want to like it, and you really like a couple aspects of it, but it's bad for you in the long run. Maybe, just maybe, if it can mature and become more fully realized, it'll be worth sticking around for another year, but (and let's break our little simile here,) for every golden nugget of Kathy Bates or Denis O'Hare, there's another fifteen lumps of coal involving Paulson, Gaga, or any of the other un-compelling supporting characters.

Time to kiss AHS goodbye for another year. I, for one, will be checking out of this hotel.

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